New Rochelle: Finding Freedom Beneath the Pain

By Ms. Julia St. Clair, Province Communications Director

(New Rochelle, NY – November 8) – Earlier this fall, Mr. Matthew John “Matt” Bocchi, author of Sway, visited Salesian High School in New Rochelle, NY. He spoke at the Wiegand Center for his first school presentation of the year.

During his time at Salesian High, Matt shared his incredible story of resilience, which touched the hearts of the students, faculty, and staff in attendance. As Salesian High president Fr. Jim Heuser stated, “Freedom is found by sharing the secret and letting it out.”

Originally from New Jersey, Matt is the oldest of four boys who lost their father on September 11. He worked at the World Trade Center in the North Tower and previously had a spiritual awakening two weeks before 9/11. “He wanted to quit his job and find his passion in life,” Matt noted. “When my mom got the first call from him, she thought he quit.”

His father was a brave man who even “in the face of death” answered his phone during the tragedy and “acted like it was a normal day.” He last spoke to his wife and youngest brother before he lost his life.

Then nine years old, Matt was pulled out of class, as was his brother. Their teachers told them that their father was safe. “Yet I knew something was wrong when we came home by the amount of cars outside and as I saw adults crying,” Matt recalled.

Matt’s father was found a week later. His father’s death marked the “beginning of a challenging 4-5 years, then 10-15 years.” As Matt grew up, he began to have questions about how his father died. “One image that stayed with me that day [9/11] that was never shown again on TV was an image of someone falling to their death from my dad’s building,” Matt remembered.

That image stayed with Matt and made him question his family if his father jumped from his building. He tried to fill in the missing pieces to find peace and closure. A few years later, an uncle through marriage offered to be a “father figure” to him and talk with him about his dad. However, this uncle had devious intentions that would cause further harm to young Matt.

“I remember the first time my uncle abused me was when I asked him if my dad jumped,” Matt divulged. “He said ‘Yeah, he jumped,’ then touched me.”

Matt would be sexually abused by his uncle for a year while a freshman at Seton Hall Prep in West Orange, NJ. Having dealt with his uncle’s abuse and bullying from his peers for having lost his dad on 9/11, Matt turned to alcohol and drugs to try to numb the pain.

“I took so many different substances and had a craving and need that could never be filled,” Matt uttered. “I didn’t care about putting myself in danger every single day—I welcomed it.”

Matt’s drug addiction evolved during his time at Villanova University and resulted in his losing his scholarship. Two more tragedies would also impact Matt’s journey to sobriety: first when his buddy, Billy, whom he referred to as a “pure soul,” died in a freak car accident; then when he lost his Nonno (“Grandpa” in Italian), his paternal grandfather.

“I checked into my first detox when Billy died,” he explained. “And I relapsed when Nonno died. My family asked me to speak on my dad’s behalf at the funeral, and I couldn’t do it. I walked out.”

After Matt graduated from Villanova, he went to work on Wall Street to try to be like his father. Like his dad, he felt unfulfilled by the job and industry. One night, he got pulled over by a cop; he was arrested and charged with three felonies.

“My lawyer said if I went to treatment, they’ll drop the charges,” Matt reflected. “He said, ‘If you don’t stop taking this [oxy], you will die.’”

Matt went through a difficult year before being sentenced to probation, where he struggled to stay sober. “I thought I looked so good on the outside, but I was empty inside,” he recalled. “I drank and took drugs to numb the pain.”

One day, Matt noticed the sky and air felt familiar; it looked and felt the same as it did on 9/11. “I looked up at the sky and said, ‘Dad, send me a sign,’” Matt began. Then, a fly landed on him and refused to go away. “Dad always said he would die young and come back as a fly.”

Matt checked himself into detox 2 days later. Six months into sobriety, Matt received a devastating call from his second youngest brother. He revealed that their youngest brother had spent time with the uncle who abused Matt and said he “didn’t want him going there anymore.”

On a visit to his high school alma mater, Matt saw his old guidance counselor and opened up for the first time about how his uncle had abused him. He responded, “I was called by God to be your voice.” He told him to go home and tell his family what happened to him.

“At 23 years old, I did the toughest thing I ever did in my life and came forward about the abuse,” Matt remarked. He also got the abusive uncle to admit what he did. The legal aftermath felt like, as Matt described, “a Law & Order episode.”

The uncle served only four years of his seven-year sentence. Though Matt thought he’d be terrified, he decided to do something different from how he coped in the past—he decided to have faith. “I put my faith in God, in a Higher Power,” Matt voiced.

He also realized that he was healing as he opened up more about his experience. “It’s not just drinking and drugs,” Matt detailed. “It’s about talking about your struggles. The struggles are real, and most kids, especially young men, can feel alone.”

After a kid said he should “write a book” following a talk he gave in New Hampshire, Matt worked on Sway, his debut memoir. “The title comes from Windows on the World, the restaurant on the top floor of my dad’s building,” Matt explained to the eager Salesian High boys. “You would get to a certain part and feel it swaying.”

He later learned that his father did not jump on 9/11 (he had been found in a stairway, where he and other people went to try to get to the roof). “I used to look at myself as a victim; I now see myself as a survivor,” Matt exclaimed.

After the presentation, many Salesian High boys stayed to speak with Matt. Adult attendees and passersby also stopped to converse with Matt, both at the Wiegand Center and as he left the property. Everyone had been left changed by Matt’s presence. They thanked him for being so brave, raw, and vulnerable and asked for his advice. They also encouraged him to speak at more Salesian schools and Catholic schools in the area.

“I try to do what I do now because I know what it’s like to go through the pain. I want to try and help people, especially those who are younger than me,” Matt proclaimed. “If you can process that pain and suffering, there’s really hope. And if I can save one of your lives or help in any way, I’m here.”

Matt currently lives in Florida. He celebrated eight years of sobriety in July. He visits schools and speaks about his experience to help reach young people.

To learn more about Matt, visit his website, where there are tabs on Sway and an inquiry about having him visit and speak at your school, parish, community, or work.